Mo' Musician Jokes
Please note: all jokes told with love, and in one gender (masculine or feminine) because itís easier and probably funnier. New jokes will appear regularly, so bookmark the site and be sure and revisit us. We will also be taking submissions for the joke page via our email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
What is "perfect pitch?"
What's the definition of a nerd?
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an
in-tune tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead
snake in the road?
What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?
What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
What's the range of a tuba?
What's a tuba for?
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
What does a timpanist say when he gets to work?
What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
How can you tell when a soprano is at your door?
How long does a harp stay in tune?
Why are a violinist fingers like lightning?
How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
Why is a violinist like a scud missile?
What do violists use for birth control?
How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
What's the difference between a violist and a dog?
Did you hear about the violist who bragged he could play 32nd notes? The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.
Why are violins smaller than violas?
What's the difference between violists and terrorists?
How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
What's the difference between a cello and a coffin?
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
One string bass player was so bad, even his section noticed.
How do you put a twinkle in a soprano's eye?
What's the definition of a gentleman?
If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end...
Where's a tenor's resonance?
What do you call ten baritones at the bottom of the ocean?
What's the definition of a male quartet?
If you drop a conductor and a watermelon off a tall building, which will
hit the ground first?
What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer?
What's the definition of an optimist?
What's another definition of an optimist?
A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
How do you get a violist to play down bow staccato?
What's the best recording of the Walton Viola Concerto?
How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
What's the difference between a soprano and the PLO?
Three guys are sitting at a bar.
#1: "...Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes."
Want to see more? Click here for more jokes! Drummers: please have the vocalist nearby to explain them to you.